Before you know it, they’re saying you have so much in common, therefore you must be soul mates.”- Dale Archer, M.D., Why Love-Bombing In A Relationship Is So Devious 3. Masquerading as ‘good listeners,’ the bomber gathers intel on your likes, dislikes, insecurities, hopes, and dreams. “Manipulative love bombers don’t just walk up and say: ‘We belong together.’ They have to give you evidence that it’s true. By doing this, you communicate an important boundary to those around you: trust has to be built organically and cannot be earned blindly. It’s a good rule to have regarding anyone, regardless of whether or not they’re toxic, because it allows intimacy to unfold naturally at its own pace. Be selective about who you allow into your online spaces and make your privacy a top priority. Solution? Don’t give them much access in the first place. It is also valuable for the devaluation stage, as it allows them to assess whether you’d be a viable target for their pity ploys and mind games. These investigative digs are crucial for the narcissist’s love-bombing stage, where they are first pursuing you with ardent fervor and need to unearth your vulnerabilities to do so. Remember, it’s possible for even a complete stranger to find out your life story should they do the due diligence of looking through your photos, your tagged posts, even your ‘About Me’ section. Having access to your social media accounts can give them an easy way to find out more about your likes, interests, hobbies, and desires. They want to know anything and everything about you, so that they can later use your wounds against you. Imagine that narcissists are like trained spies in the figurative Trojan horses that are social media accounts. Narcissistic partners can flirt with numerous people by sending them messages on Facebook, inappropriately commenting on their photos with sexual or obscene messages for all to see, ‘following’ a number of shady accounts, as well as posting photos of themselves with exes, crushes, and people with whom they’re having affairs, all under the guise of them being ‘friends.’ Should their victims ever call them out on their strange behavior, the narcissist will then gaslight the victim into thinking he or she is going crazy. They trespass the boundaries of their relationships frequently and with malice, with the intention of skirting accountability and with callous disregard for the feelings of their victims. They enjoy seeing their reactions to their despicable behavior. However, true, full-fledged narcissists create love triangles deliberately in order to provoke their significant others. Now, it’s certainly possible for someone lower on the spectrum of toxicity to aggravate their partners with their lack of discretion and loyalty without meaning to sometimes garden-variety jerks or cheaters are not even fully cognizant they could be caught. – Megha Mohan, Cheating and manipulation: Confessions of a gaslighter But they would build over time, and she then started to believe.” She was ‘paranoid’, she was ‘crazy’, she was ‘full of drama’. “I deliberately used demeaning language to make her lose confidence in her reading of the situation, of my infidelity. He said he made jokes over a period of time pointing to her ‘obsession’ with social media, making her feel that she was suspicious in an unhealthy, even ‘crazy’ way. “Paula was extremely intelligent, but I was aware that I was leaving traces of infidelity in the digital world, on social media,” says Greg. They will, of course, deny that they are doing this – and it’s easy to convince anyone who is suspicious of their behavior that such a focus on their online behavior is “crazy.”įor example, observe what a self-confessed gaslighter told BBC news when asked about the role his gaslighting played in covering his tracks on social media: In order to understand how and exactly why narcissists use these platforms for such petty power plays, it’s essential that we remember that they tend to be insatiable in their attention-seeking and their desire to create harems of people who adore them. It gives them easy access to multiple victims and the ability to manufacture love triangles in covert, insidious ways. Social media is a veritable playground for malignant narcissists. Here are five ways malignant narcissists – those without empathy and with an excessive sense of entitlement – use social media to exploit, manipulate and destroy their victims: 1. Social media has just given them an extra tool to terrorize people. Social media has been blamed for breeding narcissists, but the fact of the matter is, narcissists have always existed. By Shahida Arabi Updated January 28, 2022
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